Rants from the Dugout

Bill Haines Memorial 2005

08/22/2005

The headline should have read, "9 drunks from Fargo, get the piss kicked out of them in 6 games!" As you can tell, we have completed another fun filled tournament at Red Willow Resorts. It was good to get the clan on the road and to see Vernis once again. We figured we may have had a chance because only 5 other teams showed up for the tournament. I think all of the teams but us were Rec 1 or Class D. We were outmanned, outgunned, and outnumbered.

Let me start by giving a big Hog Palace shout out to Barry "Pygmy" Peet, for once again leaving us all with our dicks hanging in the wind and playing with one player short. I'm honestly starting to lose count how many times this has happened. Apparently getting shitfaced and catching up on his beauty rest is more important than the Nation. We'll see about that. My second big Hog Palace shout out goes to a certain lawyer by the name of Terry Devine. We loved the gift and thank you for all 24 of them. They didn't make it through the weekend! Get Well and stay tuned for more fun next year!

Normally I would breakdown each game and give you the highlights. Normally, we actually win a game at this tournament. I don't feel like sticking a fork in a toaster over and over again, so I'll give you the condensed Cliff Notes version.

Game 1, played some Rah-Rah punks from God knows where. We played hungover, swung like it and started the day with a 18-3 lose. Oh yeah, ET did manage to get an "inside the park" homer on a number of errors. But in the presence of this team, nice dinger buddy! Game 2, We managed to actually hit the ball. Donnie had 4 hits, ET had 3, and a number of peeps had two like Tommy, Miffy, and Sabe, but to no avail.

Green's Construction was too much for us and we took it in the pooper 20-12. Nadia did mange to go the first two games 0-for Christ sakes. Game 3 had us facing some team in green uniforms. The weekend is awfully fuzzy after a few cases. Anywho, we really hit the ball, but just couldn't stop them from scoring over and over again. We scored 15 but managed to give up 19. At the plate, Dammon had 3 hits, Donnie had 6, ET 4, Shakey had 3, and Tommy and Doug chipped in with 3 apiece. Mike K did finally pop his cherry with a single to left in the fourth. Way to go buddy, we knew you had it in you. Mike was saving all of his energy in the field. He was making a personal highlight reel with all of his diving catches in right. Out in the field he earned his keep, but Tommy still took away his manhood in the tent the night before.

The fourth and final game had us playing some Bachelor Party team. They treated us like we were the hookers and we were free. Noone hit, three people struckout, and we managed to only get Sabe across the plate. From there it was time to get drunk, which we did in royal fashion. My memory of Saturday stops there.

Sunday had us playing the same bunch of Rah-Rah bitches from Saturday. We ended up with the same result. Every player on our team was sleep deprived and extremely HUNGOVER! Oh well, we manged to score 3 and get 15 runned. The last and final beating came at the hands of that green team again. We somehow got shutout. My God, there is a first. A freakin shutout. Now I have seen it all.

All in all, we sucked. We still manged to get many laughs and have many memories to add to all of the others. I know we will strap it back on again next year as long as Vernis will have us. So stay tuned to the site, and get ready for the Hog Palace in 06!