Rants from the Dugout

Come Crashing to Earth

05/02/2005

Well our first games as the Hog Palace have come and gone and let me say they were forgetable. First, the weather was less than cooperative, and it looked more like December 1st than May 1st. To quote Lou Brown in Major League, "We would have been better if we would have just gone out and shot ourselves!" The amazing thing was that we actually had 10 show up. Having enough to field a team would be our only victory of the day.

Game number one had us facing Just Construction. This team was Just Average if you asked me. We started out fast putting up 11 runs in the first 3 innings, and led 11-1 after 3. We scattered hits up and down the order, with the exception of Mike and Matt who were the anchors early in the game. The only extra base hit was an inside the parker by Donnie, or else we pretty much nickel and dimed them to death in the arctic cold. The game was coasting along and then came the fifth inning. We managed to replay our performance from the year before, and were putting people on base for no fu%#@ng reason. Errors, walks, and throwing the ball around like clowns throwing pies at a circus cost us the lead. Despite being up five runs going into the 7th, we still managed to let it slip through our fingers. Final score Just Crap 16 Hog Palace 15. On the lighter side, we did manage to kill the ball at the plate. Tommy, Jeff and Chad all had four hits. Jason, Donnie, Sabe, Shane, Randy and Matt (the book must be wrong) had a multi hit game.

After drinking the bad taste out of our mouths, we took the field again against Sports City. What we didn't take with us to the field was our sticks. We pretty much hit like sh*t the rest of the day. This gaggle of Nancy boys capitalized on error after error to the tune of 18 runs in five innings. Mike and Matt continued their torrid hitting with a combined 0-5 at the plate. Miffy was bent over and screwed by one of the worst umps in the city with a called strike three (more on this later). We didn't need poor umpiring to whip our chilled asses but the sh*t for brains did it anyway. Sports City 18 Hog Palace 3. I thought that was a misprint when I typed it too. 3 God damn runs, you gotta be sh*ttin me, none of you dumb asses can score more than 3 runs.

Lastly, Phoenix International put us out of our misery 18-2. This game was also devoid of highlights with a few exceptions. Miffy managed to leg out a triple to right, Donnie went 3 for 3, Matt continued his Ted Williams like hitting by adding an 0 for 2 to his stats. In fact, Matt failed to hit the ball out of the infield the last two games. Welcome aboard Rookie! And who could forget Nadia getting of the schnide by nailing an inside the park home run to left center in front of a drawn in outfield. It doesn't matter how they look Mike, they are all dingers in the book.

So we went 0 for Christ sakes on the day. Oh well, at least no one died. I was pleased with the way we played the first five innings of the day. Too bad we still had 13 more innings to go. I think we peaked to early, or maybe softball wasnt meant to played to sub zero weather. I don't know. Don't let the slow start fool you. Our first games are always nightmares. Now let me interject something about the quality of umpiring that was available for this tournament. Our first game we got consistency from blue. The second ump called the game like he was a stock holder in Sports City. Like I said before, we don't need bad umpiring to beat us, we'll do that just fine on our own. This ump didn't have the first damn clue on what a strike was. Miffy's called strike three was blatanly high and outside, but yet this dumbass called it a strike. In our final game, we were "blessed" with some fat ass Stevie Nicks knock off. She was even worse than the last moron. She called out Sabe on a pitch that was caught at chest level by the catcher. Bitch, get a clue! She would continue to guess at what to call on each pitch throughout the game. FM Slowpitch, keep these two blind, retarded fools off of the field before they seriously get hurt.

But it was good to get out as a team and take the field once again. Schedule is out on Tuesday, so set your schedule for the summer accordingly.

See you at the yard, Meat
Donnie